Monthly Archives: July 2011

I Know This

stereo already pawned
we listen to Alice in Chains
sing for us from a tiny
pink boombox in the back seat

another run, north
past the city, snow falling
“we have to remember gas”
ten minutes later, time
like a spliced 8mm
hallway — seatbelt — freeway

“when did it start snowing?”
eyes wide
six inches, a foot
more, no cars
stalled, deep in snow
forgotten gas

leaping across erased lanes
like a strung-out deer
skirt flouncing on my thighs
snow clumping
to my 20-hole Docs
he saunters
long cool strides

over the rail; down the slope; through
the illuminated night
his shy smile
freezes me, mid-stride

his pink lips curl around
silent sounds
“I love you”
and I know it when
I know nothing else



much of what I remember
makes me ill
your pleas
this madness
in my head

between consciousness and
numbing dreams
for a moment
I felt connected
to nothing
none of this was real

you pleaded; I turned away
hiding my tears
you held my face, searching
for answers
there was
only one

this life
little life
followed me
deafening silence

I rumbled through
a tempermental thunderstorm
shaking our foundation
your nerves
soaking you
to your chilled bones
floated away
kept rumbling in
the distance

your scent lingered
on everything
I took with me
in me

the last word
you said to me was

cursing me
these thousands of days
no, somehow
you have nothing
but love for me

I loved everything about you
but sometimes
isn’t enough


that Christmas, Santa brought
deep snow and thick ice
watered-down vodka and
a loaded pipe
a jigsaw puzzle
to scramble our
scrambled brains
piece together a picture
of escape

we fell into bed
tangled dirty sheets
tangled limbs, jerking senses
performance didn’t matter
don’t even remember
if we got “there” or
how we stopped

that Christmas
jagged blackened
edges of my soul
rubbed against yours
wearing one another down
to something resembling normalcy

(OpenLinkNight#3 at

Chasing the Illusory

this time I will laugh
this time
I will be out of my mind
an escape

this time we won’t fight
caged animals
scream and beat each other
for the same numbness

my echo
screams at me
a minor key
an octave higher
miles, miles away

this time
the magic potion
of chemicals and men
will fill me
all the unidentifiable absence

nothing left
I sit, waiting
nothing left but
a dim flame of hope
as the high begins to fade

next time…

In the Alley

spoon and lighter in hand
he looked at me
eyes pleading
“I hate myself”

I held his gaze, dropped it
turned my face
to the lazily-falling snow, hushed
world unreal
muted flakes
inside a snow globe
the city’s grime
making the snow impure

I listened
tightened belt
he held his breath
exhaled a long sigh
of relief
of loathing


You left
I lied
I’m not fine
I can still hear you
when my thoughts are still
call my name
the one you cooed
made me melt
to wetness
chased myself
to the bottom
of the second bottle
were still
rhythmic jostle
and click
of pavement
counting the miles
from Us
to see you
one last time
to gaze upon your
hazel eyes
one last time
and spit at your feet
walk away with
long strides
you served your purpose
on my journey to
another corner turned
and you fade away


these streets
unfolding under my feet
of past lovers
around the contours of
my memory
luring me into
dark doorways
smelling of lost hope…
my past
is before me

I stand, turning circles
that building
memory ghosts
through broken windows
a former self
loathing and addiction
aimlessness and hate
I tremble, don’t cry
I think of
your hand in mine
my present, my future
my love